The Nu's trip
by TheFerengiKing
Summary: Uremia and Ganivus Nu get an invitation to an unknown festival that later drives them crazy. Weird foods, 20 different bathroom labels, and lemon gods, what can get worse? One-shot collab with Dragonclaw02. Rate and Review.


**Ok, so this is a one-shot of me and my sister, Dragonclaw02, torturing my two characters, Ganivus and Uremia. It's a crack fic, so GL.**

**Enjoy!**

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In Kanto on a fine, warm morning, a house was standing there on the side of the road. Inside the house lived a couple, not much of one, but they were somewhat together. The couple were the Nu's: Ganivus and Uremia.

Now, Ganivus was already awake, going off to the Alliance mines for his security duty, but before he could even get out of the house, he opened the door and…

A turtle was there holding a letter in the shape of a lemon. Ganivus looked down and asked, "Um, who are you?"

It answered, "Hello, I'm Bloppy Turtle and I have a lemon letter for you."

"Me? I didn't do…"

"Here you go!"

Bloppy Turtle put the letter on the floor and left. Ganivus just tipped over to see the turtle running away as he then looked down and picked up the letter. He opened it read: "HELLO I'M BLOPPY TURTLE, YOU HAVE BEEN INVITED TO THE NOSY FESTIVAL! IF YOU DON'T COME THEN YOU WILL BE SENT TO THE PIT OF BLOPPY! AND MAKE SURE TO WORSHIP THE ALMIGHTY LEMON!"

Ganivus looked at the letter in confusion and called, "Hey Uremia!"

Coming to the door was a Gardevoir, only for her to ask, "Yes Ganivus, what is it?"

"Some weird looking Squirtle came along and gave me this letter."

Uremia took the letter and read it, then asked, "You sure it isn't a death threat?"

"Probably is. The only problem is where the hell is this?"

The same turtle went through the door and handed another letter to them. The letter read: "IT WILL TAKE PLACE ON NOSY TRIANGLE."

Ganivus asked the little thing before it ran off, "Could you just lead us there?"

Uremia asked, "And I'm getting dragged why?"

"Why not? We haven't had a vacation in a while."

"To a parade were they celebrate noses?"

Bloppy Turtle said after hearing that, "No! We celebrate and worship the Almighty Lemon. There are also games and food! Please come today! Bloppy Turtle happy."

Ganivus said, "See? It not about noses, besides, maybe we can have some time for ourselves for the time there."

Uremia smiled, "Alright, fine, this time only."

Ganivus said, "Alright Squirtle, lead us there."

Bloppy Turtle did a vegetarian dance the whole way there, confusing the couple in the process. When they got there, Bloppy Turtle took them inside of a crowd where the mayor lemon was there to make an announcement. A toytal walked up to where the lemon was and told the crowd, "Everyone, here is the lemon mayor's speech! Listen closely and you will not learn anything from it!"

Then the toytal went back to the crowd. Everyone faced the lemon, and 5 minutes later all of the toytals did nosy dances, yelled, "Lemon lemon lemon", did vegetarian dances, and they all were saying how great of a speech it was. However, the Ralts-evo couple just blinked as they did not understand jack shit from this. Uremia remarked, "So, what was that all about?"

Ganivus shrugged, "Beats me. We just stared at a lemon for more than seven minutes."

All the toytals yelled, "EVERYONE GO TO THE FESTIVALLLLLLLLLLL!L!L!:L!L!LL!L!L!LL!L."

They all ran every way possible, including up and down, while saying, "LEMON LEMON LEMONS ARE LEMONY LEMONS!"

The two of them just looked confused as all getout, where Ganivus said, "Maybe… we got a wrong letter?"

And they just walked to where all the toytals were heading, which was a giant wall with huge doors leading in. They walked in and inside, it was one huge mess. There were toytals buying lemon foods, some were dumping buckets of melted butter on the ground, toytals were tossing other turtles into cups of peanut butter, vats of butter, and a few of them were swimming in lemons, and others were dumping turtles in melted butter, then painting the walls, ground, and other toytals/turtles/tortoises with them.

The two just looked around as Uremia made a twisted look at the whole mess, "The fuck is all this?"

Ganivus nodded, "Yeah… this is the weirdest shit I've now seen… aside of Yema's video."

They just continued to walk through the mess, walking over the butter puddles and turtles that constantly posed a hazard, and the first stop was the food court. The line they got in was moving pretty quickly, so they just walked along until they got to the counter, where the toytal saw them and asked, "Hello, I'm Blurple Bliple. What would you want to eaties?"

Ganivus said, "Sorry, I thought this was the food line that wasn't for kids."

"This is for everyone that exists, we are supposed to says that's."

"Apparently you never learned proper English either."

"What would you like to eatalinis?"

Uremia asked, "Can I just beat the shit out of… it?"

"Once we leave, sure. Fine, what's on the menu?"

The toytal answered, "We have: Lemons, nosy fruits, fried lemon on a stick, fried nosy fruit on a stick, lemon on a stick, nosy fruit on a stick, peanut butter in a jar, butter on a stick of butter, strawberries, strawberries on a stick, marshmallow, marshmallow on a stick, fried marshmallows on a stick, fried strawberries on a stick, strawberries on a stick, a bucket of melted butter, a bucket of fried melted butter, a bucket of melted strawberries, a bucket of fried strawberries, a bucket of melted peanut butter, a bucket of fried melted peanut butter, a bucket of melted marshmallows, a bucket of fried melted marshmallows, a bucket of fried melted lemons, a bucket of fried melted buckets, a bucket of melted buckets, a bucket of melted lemons, a bucket of fried melted nosy fruits, and a bucket of melted nosy fruits."

Ganivus just looked flabbergasted, "Uh…"

Uremia then just took the toytal and threw it into the deep frying batter. She rolled her eyes, "Please, I'll see what to do."

She went over the counter and grabbed out whatever was there that was much more edible than what was served, put it on a two trays, and Ganivus kissed her for the "severed" meal, and wen their way to a table. A toytal yelled from all the way across the room, "WE'RE TRYING TO EAT HERE!"

Ganivus just gave that character the middle finger, and the two ate the food, wondering why they couldn't serve anything better. After the food, they walked out of the cafeteria, and wandered around looking at all the other stupid shit. After half an hour, all the toytals yelled out loud, "EVERYONE, IT IS TIME TO WORSHIP THE ALMIGHTY LEMON!"

The toytals laid down, and mumbled lowly, "Lemonlemonleomnemkonjkeieklrnlewfwshfklsjhfkslhfklsdhfdklsfhsdk."

They kept on doing that as Ganivus and Uremia just kept still, trying to grasp the idea of worshipping a fruit. Ganivus asked, "So… what's this about?"

A toytal stopped worshipping to tell him, "You have to lay down and say lemon 3 times followed by mumbling random letters to make it sound like a worship!"

Ganivus looked down and told the toytal, "I would rather lay down and get surgery, thank you very much. Fuck you and your giant lemon too, you piece of green shit."

"Happy!"

Ganivus and Uremia left as she asked, "Ok, so why the hell are they doing that?"

Ganivus answered, "Because if they had a life, they'd worship something more realistic."

Suddenly, a giant lemon appeared from the sky and asked the couple, "Did you worship me?"

They looked at each other and said, "No."

It started to shake, "YOU DIDN'T DO THAT?! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO COME HERE JUST TO DO THAT!"

Ganivus then got in front, "Listen you yellow asshole, there are a lot of things I'm supposed to do. I'm supposed to have a perfect family, but hey, I'm married to a Gardevoir who's violent, I have a son who's dead, a daughter who runs a fucking casino, friends who are dead, and I work for a bitch who not only kills everyone on sight, but is married to a guy who is obsessed with killing werewolves and vampires! So, if you think I came just so to worship a fucking fruit made for lemonade, FUCK YOU AND GO FUCK A SQUIRTLE!"

The lemon then ate the Gallade. And he teleported out, with Ganivus blowing up the Lemon using a psybeam. Once the lemon was destroyed, what was left of it was Bloppy. He went splat on the floor as the couple just looked as confused as usual, more so than they already were, and just kicked Bloppy out of the way.

After walking for a while, they came across what looked like a restroom… with several doors. Ganivus asked, "What the?"

There were several doors with different labels on them. They were, big nosys, medium nosys, small nosys, no nosys, pile of seaweed, chip, penny, used napkin, bucket of food, old moldy food, butter, chicken dancing, nosy fruits, and cuckoo clocks. They tilted their heads as Uremia asked, "So… what exactly is all this?"

A toytal covered in seaweed came out of the pile of seaweed bathroom and explained to them, "You enter the bathroom that makes sense for you to enter!"

The toytal left as Ganivus smartassed, "Hey Uremia, you'd fit in the 'food' bathroom."

Uremia slapped him, "Oh sure, why don't I stick you with the moldy version of it."

"Hey!"

The two almost began to fight, but Ganivus just sighed, "Ok, forget it, I'm going to…"

He looked at the first four as the big, medium, little, no nosy symbols was a different meaning to him. He asked, "I wonder if the symbols here is referring to dick size?"

He then took the large nosy entrance, pretending he was "large" and the result was…

All the toytals went out of the bathrooms, and shoved him out the door. Ganivus screamed, "WHAT THE FUCK!?"

Once all the toytals went back into the bathrooms, Ganivus sighed, "Fine, I guess they know I'm not that big."

Uremia smartassed, "I know which one you belong in."

"Uh-uh, I'm going through the next one."

He went through the medium one… but the same thing happened again. Ganivus went then into the next door, as Uremia smugged seeing she was right… but it happened another time. Ganivus was now looking stupid, "Are they saying I got no dick?"

Uremia was confused herself, "They're dumbasses in that case."

Ganivus sighed and went through the no nosy door. Once going in, he didn't have all the other bathrooms ban him. He went into one stall, which didn't look too tall, and he looked over and saw other toytals doing their business. He just cringed and sat down, barely, and skipping the rest because it is already inappropriate.

As he went outside, Uremia was waiting for him, only then for him to ask, "Why are you still here? I figured you teleport around and see where to go?"

Uremia answered, "Oh yeah, how about out of here?"

"You know what, that's a good idea, let's just leave this crazy place."

And so, they went out to find the exit. After half an hour of stepping all over turtles and toytals and other shit-for-brains in the streets, they found the way they came in and walked to it. At the point of leaving the place, a toytal was blocking the way. The toytal asked them, "Did you worship the almighty lemon?"

Ganivus groaned, "Oh fuck, not this crap. No, I did not worship a motha fucking lemon!"

"If you want to exitlinis, then you must worship the almighty lemonalini."

"You wanted me to worship a lemon, now I have to worship a lemon-linguini hybrid? THE FUCK IS THIS PLACE?!"

"Nosy festival! You have to also be happy to leave!"

"Happy? HAPPY? I'M PISSED OFF AS ALL HELL! There is no way I'm bowing my sorry, white ass to your green Warturtle's lemon get-up, and I'm not bowing my ass to your fucking feet either, so either you get the hell out of my way, or else I'll…"

Before he finished his rant, Uremia then said, "I'll deal with it."

She then used psychic and threw the guard into a trash can. She smiled, "See? Problem solved."

Ganivus then said, "Wait."

And he "threw" the can into a deep-fryer. He smiled, "Now it's solved."

They walked on through the gate and went their way home. However, Ganivus stepped on a lemon, crushing it, making him go, "Ew, I stepped on something."

All of the toytals looked at them, and went out of the bathroom just to stare at them. They all yelled, "YOU HAVE MURDERED A LEMON! YOU WILL BE SENTECNED TO THE PIT OF BLOPPY!"

Both of the Ralt's evos said, "Oh fuck."

And they teleported off quickly.

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